Try Again?
by AnamatronicFish
Summary: Another CogDis story with spoilers! It deals with the ending of the game and speculation on what might have happened afterwards with a few of the characters. Help, I can't...I can't stop writing these.
1. In the Bush

It's hard to focus now. Little things keep distracting me. I'm not sure I could focus long enough to use my powers, even if I had them. Everything around me is just so bright and vibrant, and I can't focus on all of it at once. It hurts my head. Instead, I look at a leaf and run a finger of its shiny side.

Are my memories still here? I frown at the leaf and check my thoughts. There's mother, there's father, there's my planet. There's the song. It weighs on my heart, but, I guess I've finally come to terms with it now. That must have been his doing. I don't really think I'd be able to do that on my own. I'm not sure why I think that, I just know it's true. Wait. No. I think it's true. It makes sense, though, right? I tug on my ears, as if that'll get me focused. It doesn't help, but, I do discover that my ears are way softer than I remember them being.

Wait, no, no, that's not important! That's inconsequential. I prick my ears up, out of my hands' grasp. It feels weird, so I try it again, just to see if I get the same result. Yup. Same feeling. I don't know why I expected something different to happen. Did I expect something different to happen? I tug my ears down again and prick them up as I consider this. Maybe I should have written this down. I can't remember what I wanted to accomplish by tugging on my ears. What would I write it on, anyways? A leaf?

My eyes drift back to the leaf in front of me. On a leaf, hmm? I pause and frown. No, that's a stupid idea! I'm an idiot for ever thinking that! Stupid, stupid, stupid!

I pluck the leaf off the bush and stick a finger through it. That accomplished nothing. I wiggle my fingers and think about my next move. First, I have to get out of this bush. No, wait, first I need to investigate what's outside of the bush. Step one, perceive. Step two, assess. Step three, form a new decision based on the situation.

I crawl out of the bushes and look around. It's bright outside of the bush. Painfully bright. I squint my eyes and stare at the ground. Wasn't I going to check the surrounding area first? I glance around, my eyes smarting. I can't see much at all, thanks to the sunlight. I reach up and shade my eyes.

There isn't much around me. Just a few bushes, a cliff, some dirt, grass, flower. That kind of thing. My vision's clearing a bit as I sit in the sun and I can see that the grass towards the edge of the cliff was pressed down earlier that day. I guess someone stood there for a little while and flattened it out.

I push myself to my feet and take a step towards the flattened grass. I'm unsteady on my feet and it feels like I'm about to topple over. I take another step and lose my balance for real. I never used to fall, so I panic and tense up before I hit the ground. I land on a rock and squeak. It hurts. I've never been good with physical attacks. Losing my PSI didn't change that particular weakness. I curl up in a ball and clutch my side. I don't feel any blood on my fingers, but it's aching. I'll rest here for a little bit, I decide, squeezing my eyes shut. That's a good plan.

It's warm in the grass. If it wasn't for the pain in my side, it could be pleasant. The pain is ebbing away already and I roll onto my back. Why does it feel so nice, lying here?

I yawn and stretch, forgetting about the pain in my side. It's not too bad, I conclude, opening my eyes a crack. The sun is nice, the grass is nice, the day? My ears twitch. Is that a red flower over near the flattened grass? I hadn't noticed it before. I stretch my arms out toward it, willing the hat to move towards me. It remains on the ground. My eyes are heavy and my thoughts have stopped making sense. I lie on the ground and let myself sink into a warm, dark sleep in the grass of the field.


	2. Vs Centipede

I am warm when I wake up, even though the sun is no longer up. I crack my eyes and stare up at the sky. I can see a few stars and the faint outline of the moon. Did that crazy human ever build his robot, I wonder. I hope he did. It sounded pretty cool when he described it. I push myself off the ground and flick my tail. There's something on it.

I look down and see a centipede crawling up my tail. I freeze, watching it scuttle up and up and up. It's on my torso. I can't move because it is right there on my chest and I don't know how to handle this situation! My mind reels and I summon up every ounce of psionic power I possess. I don't need much, I just need to burn the bug off of me. I raise a hand, holding it closer to the centipede. It notices my movement and scurries higher, climbing up my neck. No, no, no! I squeeze my eyes shut and force my gathered energy at the wretched creature.

Nothing happens. I crack an eye open. The centipede is on my cheek, motionless. Right, okay, PSI isn't working. I need another solution. I can't let this filthy insect beat me. I can't! I won't! I just need to use my ingenuity and strength. I slap my hand against my face and miss the centipede. It scurries up and sits on the top of my head. I try again, and again, and again.

Tears form in my eyes. I can't hit it. What's wrong with me? I stretch a hand up towards it again, but I miss it again. I need to change my tactics. Maybe I'll have better luck if I pull it off my head and toss it into the grass. I reach for it and touch its segmented body for the first time. The centipede squirms and pierces my hand with its pincers. I scream and wave my arm in the air. The centipede crawls off my head and scurries away, out of my sight.

What do I know about centipedes? I remember reading about them a long time ago, but I can't focus because my hand hurts so much and what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to put ice on it? I remember something about ice, but I'm not sure if it's relevant to this kind of bite. Wait, wait, is it even a bite? I don't think they have teeth, so maybe they have stingers or something else entirely. I just don't know and my heart is racing and I can't breathe so good since I'm panicking! I shouldn't panic, this is bad, this is bad, this is so, so bad! I'm not sure if centipedes have poison in them, but if they do, this is the worst thing possible because the poison could be in my blood and worrying and panicking just circulates it faster but I can't stop!

I flop back in the grass and stare at my hand. There are two puncture wounds, right in clear sight. The area around them is getting kinda puffy and red and this is not good at all. This is terrible. There must be some poison in centipedes. I scratch at the wound and try settling my mind but it isn't working. It still hurts and lying here in the grass, sobbing and scratching and I hate them! I hate centipedes! I hate them more than anything right now.

I roll onto my stomach and sob into the dirt. My hand isn't feeling better. If anything, it feels worse. Grass pokes my face and I feel burnt all over. I'm not sure how long I lie there crying for before I notice the spot of red not too far away. Right, I wanted to investigate it just before I fell asleep. I'd been curious about it and wanted to learn more. I shake my head. What a fool I'd been.

Out here, in the wilds of Earth, there is no time for idle curiosities. Not with cruel beasts like centipedes roaming the grass. Still, I reason, it can't hurt to look at the red thing. What if it's food?

My stomach lurches at the thought, even though I haven't eaten in over a day. This isn't good. I shouldn't feel sick. This is that accursed centipedes fault! I know it is! It's doing this to me! It's making me suffer right now. I clench my uninjured hand into a tiny fist and punch the ground with all my strength. It hits a rock and I howl in pain, my eyes burning with even more tears.

I stare down at both my hands. The previously uninjured hand hurts just as much as the one the centipede attacked. My eyes are locked on the red item. I push myself up and wobble towards it. I need something to cling to right now. Anything. Well, anything but a centipede.

My legs shake and I fall to my knees, still not close enough to the red item to see what it is. The thickening darkness doesn't help, either. I sniff and shuffle forward on my knees. My tail drags behind me, bumping against pebbles and small twigs. I stretch my aching hands out towards the red thing and fall forward with a thump. I close my fingers around the red thing and sigh. I have it.


	3. Giegue is the Worst Turtle

I pull the red thing close to me and squint at it. It's a hat. A familiar hat. I know I've seen it many times before, but I can't remember where right now. I wrap my arms around it and sniff. For the first time today, I feel safe.

I sit down, still clutching the hat, and consider my options. There is almost certainly poison flowing through my body, killing me bit by bit as I wait under the stars. I look at the centipede-hurt hand. Actually, I could be wrong, but I think the swelling's going down a bit. I waggle it back and forth. It doesn't feel any worse than before, but it still doesn't feel good. I amend my earlier thought to 'probably killing me.' I look away from my hand and cling to the hat. I feel better holding it.

It's strange, I think, staring up at the sky with the hat in my hands. It's strange how much brighter the stars look from Earth. I hardly ever noticed them while I was on my ship, and I could hardly see them through the thick clouds of certain planets. Here, though, the stars shine bright.

I don't like it. The stars are too bright and oppressive here. I feel useless and weak underneath them. I decide that I need a shelter of some sort. It doesn't have to be fancy; just something to hide me from the stars and keep their gaze away. I curl up as tightly as I can and pull the hat over my back, wearing it like a shell. It doesn't entirely cover me, but I feel happier under here.

I start to drift off, but a crunching sound catches my attention. I'm pretty well hidden under the hat, but the sound of feet on grass is still getting closer. It's not a good sign. I adjust my position under the hat, making sure my feet are on the ground. There's a very distinct possibility that I'll have to run. Now that I think about it, I should probably get into some deeper grass. The hat is very bright and it's not impossible that the newcomer will notice it.

I take a few steps forward. Nothing terrible happens, so I take a few more, feeling hopeful about my new plan. The hat, combined with some tall grass, will be the perfect hiding place for me.

"Hey!" My ears prick when I hear the shout. I know that voice. Wait. Waaaaait. My ears flatten against my head. That's why the hat looks familiar. My eyes are wide and my heart pounds. I need to get away from here. I can't let him catch me. I can't, I can't, I can't! Not just yet! I can't face him yet! I'm not ready. I am not entirely sure why I'm not ready, but I know that seeing him now is a bad idea.

We had a moment of understanding less than a day ago. I realized what he wanted and what I wanted. We had a moment of unity and harmony, but no! No, that doesn't matter right now! I am not…not…I frown. What am I not? Good enough yet? That might be it. I'm not good enough to talk to him yet. To see him.

I think I want to become someone he can feel proud of before we meet again. Then, he won't need to be ashamed of me or feel like I'm a danger anymore. I can't stop running until either he gives up or I find a way to, I don't know, save a flock of little humans from a burning building while running underneath his hat.

I still hear him keeping up with me. Actually, I think he's getting closer. A lot closer. It makes sense, considering how long his legs are compared to mine, but I'm still upset by the thought. He'll have me in another ten seconds if I don't do something drastic. Time to swerve. I change directions, sprinting for the right. I have a second of pride before the bill of the hat and the front of my face smash into the oncoming tree.

I fall over backwards, my legs, arms and tail sticking up straight out and my head smarting. A warm liquid oozes from my snout. I don't hit the ground. Someone breaks my fall and I tilt by head back, looking up into Niiue's face. Our eyes meet and his get huge. It makes sense. Even I wasn't expecting myself to survive in any form after all my poor choices. In fact, I'd come as close to terms with death as I think I can get. Instead, here I am, lying here in my better half's hat, staring up at him while my nose leaks blood over me. As far as twists of fate go, I've got to say that this one's a tad too bizarre for my tastes.


	4. Niiue and the Cliff

Niiue stares down at me. I think he's caught off guard. I can't blame him. I didn't expect to survive that…the…whatever happened in my head. Wasn't I going to figure out just what happened earlier? I feel like I made a mental note to think about it. Wait, no, I can focus on that later. I have the advantage right now.

I leap to my feet and grab at Niiue's hat. My head throbs, but I ignore the pain. I can't stay here. I tug the hat, but he tightens his grip on it. All right, my advantage is disappearing. I forget about the hat. It's his anyways. I don't know why I tried grabbing it in the first place. Stupid, stupid, stupid! That's what I'm being! I sprint into the darkness, heading in the opposite direction of the tree.

There's a dull throbbing in my chest, adding to pain of my headache. It's hard to breath. I reach a hand up to my chest and press against it. I don't have time to deal with this. I don't have time for sore chests and gasping breaths. I think I hear Niiue behind me. I shouldn't have tried taking the hat with me. Thinking back, that must have been a pretty big tip-off for Niiue. Why did I do that? Why? It's just a stupid hat! I always made fun of it back before everything went wrong.

I blink to clear my eyes. It's getting hard to see. The shadows, grass and sky blur together. I wipe my eyes to clear them, but they fill up really fast. I give up and squeeze them shut, still running. I trip a few times, but I think it's dark enough that Niiue can't see me too well. My ears twitch.

Did Niiue say something? I think he did. I think he said, 'wait,' or 'stop,' but I've already made up my mind. I run. I run and the ground drops away under my feet. Something rushes past me as I drop. I look up and see Niiue, reaching over the edge of…oh, I guess it's a cliff. That explains a lot, actually.

I wonder if I'll die. That's a pretty likely outcome. My chest aches, my stomach hurts, my head throbs, my eyes won't stop leaking. Why should I care? I'm just dead weight right now. A waste of space. I don't need to exist. Niiue's the only one who knows I'm alive. I just…I just-

I don't want to die yet. I don't know why, but every fiber in my body rejects the idea. I have to think of something. I need to stop my fall. I have to think of something. Think, I command myself, think! You've You built a machine designed to amplify your abilities enough to destroy the universe! Why should beating basic physics be so hard? Just come up with something!

Sharp thorns dig into my back, and I squeak in pain. No need to fight physics now. I wrap my hands around one of the prickly branches. It hurts, but, I'm not falling. I'm not sliding. I'm on a scraggly bush and I'm not dead. My body is shaking, but I'm calm. I exhale. I'm alive. I am alive. I am-

Grabbed and falling. I look to the side and see Niiue. I lean back, my ears flat against my head. I say the first words that come to mind.

"Why do you keep following me?" Wind rushes past us and I wonder just why Niiue leapt off the cliff after me. Sure, he couldn't have seen the bush I landed on, but what kind of idiot jumps off a cliff? It doesn't make sense!

"It really is you!" Niiue says, pulling me closer.

I feel a surge of psychic energy and the tug of teleportation. We land hard in my bush, breaking through the branches. It hurts, but it not as badly as I expected. I turn my head and look up at Niiue. Our eyes meet and I flatten my ears against my head. His face blurs in my vision and I turn my head to the side. I can't look at him without my eyes watering so I press my face against Niiue's shirt. I don't want to be here. I don't want Niiue to see me yet. I don't want him to talk to me. I'm not…I'm just…

"Let me go!" I say, "I'm worthless. I have to leave!"Niiue holds me tighter.

"You're not worthless. You're…you're worth a lot to me." He doesn't let go of me and my eyes leak. He's shaking, just like I am. I sniff. Why is he saying this? Why won't he let me go? I open my mouth to ask him why he's doing this to me, but all I get out is,

"I'm a waste of space and you know it! L-leave me alone!"

He doesn't.


	5. Good Enough

The sky's bluer than I expected Earth skies to be. A few clouds mar its expanse, but they don't take away from its overall beauty. I take a deep breath and tear my eyes away from it, looking at Niiue. He hasn't let go of me since our fall. He hasn't looked away from me since our conversation started. He hasn't given me a chance to escape. Maybe he thinks I'll fade away the second I'm out of his sight and he'll never see me again. Maybe he's justified in thinking that. But, maybe I've changed my mind since the fall.

Here, under the warm blue sky, sitting in Niiue's lap, I feel safe for the first time in years. I'm not worried about centipedes or getting hurt. Niiue healed me and Niiue will keep me safe. I'm not worried about beating my fate. I've already lost that war. It's hard to worry when the worst has happened. If there's one thing I'm anxious about. Why does he care so much about me? He shouldn't want to see me. I've been nothing but cruel to him. I've said nothing but harsh words. I've told him to leave and said I hated him. He saved the world. Why is he sitting here with me, protecting me? I can't figure it out.

I rub my eyes and sniff. They're leaking again, just like last night. I know he came back for his hat. He can't have known I was here. If he had, would he still have come back to this cliff? Would he have found me and made sure I couldn't leave him? If he would have, why? He's not stupid. He knows better people than me. He doesn't have to waste his time taking care of broken little me. He smiles at me, his eyes shining. Why is he so happy? Why does he want to see me?

I squeak when I breathe now, water dripping down the sides of my face. Niiue holds me tighter. "I missed you," he says, his voice soft.

My vision is so blurred now I can hardly see him. "Wh-why did you miss me?" I hardly get the words out of my mouth. Talking is challenging right now. I'm shaking. I reach up and rub my eyes, but, as soon as my hand is gone, they cloud up again.

"Because you're very important to me, and I love you." Niiue goes quiet, holding me close as my eyes soak his shirt. "And…and, I'm so, so happy you're okay."

"Y-you shouldn't love me!" I clutch at his shirt, "I don't know why you do."

He's quiet for a few minutes and I continue sniffing. Now that's he's said he loves me and that I'm important to him, I need to know the reason why. If he doesn't give me a good reason, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to live with myself.

"Because," he starts, "because you're worth it. You've always been worth it to me." I open my mouth to argue, but he cuts me off. "No matter how much you think otherwise, that's not gunna change."

I tighten my grip on his shirt. He's not making any sense. He should hate me. I cut him away from myself. I tried to get rid of him, so why does he care right now? Why? I look up at Niiue and see, much to my astonishment that he's crying. I don't think I've ever seen Niiue cry. "Why don't you hate me?" My voice is soft. My ears are flat against my head.

"I never hated you to begin with. I'm not gunna start just because…" He pauses and shuts his eyes for a second. "Just because things went south."

I scrunch my face up, wiping my face as dry as I can manage. He's not making any sense. He should have hated me from the start. I assumed he did. I never listened. Why didn't I listen? That's just one more reason why he shouldn't want me around anymore. I've never listened to him. I've gone out of my way to ignore him.

"You're so confusing, Niiue," I say, my voice still soft.

Niiue grins at me, still crying. "Yeah, I have that effect on people." His smile looks almost desperate. "Will you stay?"

"I-I don't want to stay…" I'm staring at my hands now. I can't look at him. If I look at him, I'll need to say why I can't stay. Why I'm not good enough. I'll need to go into details and I can't find the right words now. I'm lying, but only because I don't know how to tell him the truth. "I want to go."

My eyes dart up to see how he's reacting. His smile's frozen on his face. It looks out of place and strange. I wish I could explain why I can't say yes, but I don't understand it well enough. I look back at my hands. I'm sorry, Niiue. I'm no good at explaining and I'm not good enough to be part of your life, I think, wringing my hands.

"Please?" The desperation on his face is in his voice now. I pull myself into a small ball on his lap and shake my head. I can't go with him right now. "Giegue, please?"

"I..I can't stay yet!" I look up at him, my eyes leaking again.

"Th-then, I'm not letting you go. Ever." He hugs me tighter and I yelp. I wasn't expecting that. Why won't he let me go? Why won't he let me do what I want? Why won't he-

Because he never has, I answer myself. He's never given up on you. He's said this much and you know he's never lied to you. I'm not getting away from him. He won't let me. "I'm not good enough yet," I say, my voice cracking and faint. I've gone limp in his arms.

He holds me close, his tears falling onto the top of my head. "You're good enough for me," he says, "You always have been."


End file.
